First Time For Everything

Buffy registered a little pain as she felt her back crash into the staff room lockers. Her focus was on Will and the kissing that was currently taking place. Her stomach filled with butterflies as he moaned into her mouth.

He was right; she was tired. Tired of being strong, fighting the attraction she had felt since high school, tired of thinking everything through. It was time to stop thinking and start feeling or in her case start being felt.

She closed her eyes and took in the sensations that he was creating within her. His mouth on hers, his tongue’s gentle caress. It was more than just physical. A part of her that had been tightly wound for years had uncurled itself in his arms. Desire sprang free. She wanted more.

All the reasons why not, were pushed to the side and she started to kiss him back. Wrapping her arms around him, she revelled in the feeling of being in his arms. Well-developed arms, those crutches had some great side effects. The benefits of which she was currently holding onto.

His hands moved from her face down to her neck. His mouth followed, placing hot wet kisses along her throat. She wanted to get closer. She wrapped her legs around his waist. Her gasp as she felt the pressure against her aroused body caught her by surprise. She had forgotten what kisses like that could stir within. All at this moment, she was feeling stirred not shaken.

“Oh Will,” she moaned.

He smiled against her neck as he heard her moans. In all the years, it was still the sweetest sound to his ears. He had dreamed of them often. Long trips in the tour bus had been filled with daydreams of Buffy, holding her, caressing her, making her moan his name. Hearing them again in person was ten times better than any dream.

Holding her, caressing her, felt like a homecoming. All the years apart, the torment was going to stop. The realisation of this almost made him weep. They had been so far way for so long, but now so close.

“You know, you are the only one who has ever called me that,” his eyes kept focusing between her eyes and her well-kissed lips. “I’m yours Buffy; always have been,” he was babbling now. He had kept his feelings for her in check for so long. Like a dam that is broken, he could not stop the flow of praises for her. He leant in and started kissing her again; afraid if he stopped the moment would be lost forever.

“I love it when you call me that,” he kept kissing down the column of her neck. “Sweetest sound in the world. My name on your lips, say it again.” He was pleading.

Not that he had to. Buffy would have recited the alphabet backwards now. As good as her mouth was with the speaking, his was just as good with the kissing. He stopped and looked at her with such passion and love combined it astounded her.

“Will,” she poured all the love she could into his name. She wanted to say more but the same fears gripped her heart.

“Buffy, it’s always been you.” He whispered in her ear. “All I have ever wanted is this. Us together.” He pulled back to look at her face flushed with desire.

“I know,” she looked away from his intense gaze.

“Me too,” he went to kiss her again. However, the pause had caused Buffy to regain her reason. No matter how good it felt, it did not change the situation they were in.

She detangled herself from Will. She felt his body tense as he pulled away from her.

He felt the sense of loss as she pushed herself away and moved across the room.

“What we want and what we can have are two different things--” she started.

“Buffy I am sick of being whacked back and forward like a rubber ball.”

“Will that’s not what I am doing,” she tried to make him see reason. Nevertheless, she looked at him and could tell he had left reason sometime ago.

“I love you.” He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “Am I stupid to think that’s enough?”

“No, it is enough,” she sighed. “I don’t know if it’s enough for us.” She had given this some thought, countless sleepless nights running the various scenarios through her mind.

“What does that mean?”

“What am I supposed to do Will, quit my job and be a groupie? I have a life here, a career, one I have worked hard for. Am I supposed to throw it way?” She was angry now. Not at Will, even though it was directed at him. Just angry at their situation at the lives that they lived.

“No pet. I can move here, my work, I can do it anywhere,” he sounded hopeful.

“So you’re nine month tour can be done here, can it?” She raised her eyebrows.

“No of course not, but after that, I can move here, set up a studio.” He moved towards her. He took her hand and placed it over his heart. “We can do this.”

“Can we? Nine months is a long time Will, longer on the road. You know that better than I.” She moved her hand and rubbed his cheek. “The problem is Will. It’s all or nothing with us. I don’t want pieces of you. I want it all. Don’t you think we owe each other that?” She had to stay strong.

“We can have it all love. It just will take some time.” He caught her hand and held it in his own. “Buffy please, we can make this work.”

She looked into his eyes. She wanted to believe him, believe in fairy tales and happily ever after. However, she could not. She moved away from his touch.

“One day Will, you will thank me for this.”

She did not here his cry of pain as he punched the locker in front of him.

Spike looked down at the bandage on his hand and winced. It was not the pain of the injury that upset him; it was more what it represented, Buffy, her rejection of him, her leaving and not coming back.

He lay back on his bed and closed his eyes. He wanted to be anywhere but here.

He still had a week before he was to be discharged from the hospital, but it may as well have been a year to him. He just wanted to get out of here, away from her. Move on like she had.

Maybe she was right. Love was not enough for them. It had not been all those years ago. What had changed in the time between? Not much, they still loved each other and they still could not make it work.

All the questions and solutions kept swimming around his brain and everywhere he looked was another reminder of Buffy. It was suffocating him. He needed to get out and soon.

“Spike, you didn’t come to the gym today,” Tara walked into the room, her concern showing on her face. “Are you alright?”

“No, I am not alright,” he looked down at his hand. The dull ache mirroring the same feeling in his heart, “I can’t be here any more”

“Well, we could do some of our therapy outside today,” Tara offered.

“No. I have to get out of this hospital. I can’t be here, it hurts too much,” he did not attempt to fight back the tears that were flowing down his face.

Tara moved over to him and looked at his leg. “If your leg is hurting, then you need to stay.”

“No, not the leg. Not the leg. Me, I am hurting. I need to get out, move on. Away from here, away from her.” His sobs echoed around the room.

It dawned on Tara what he was talking about, Buffy. Spike had told her that they were slowly but surely patching there relationship back together. From what she could see in front of her, she could tell that it had not gone well. He looked broken. She sat next to Spike and put her arms around him.

“Please help me Tara. I just want to leave. I couldn’t bear to see her.” His voice pleading.

“It’s ok, I understand. I can talk to Dr. Finn and have him move up the discharge date as long as you get a physio to see you everyday for the next two weeks.”

Spike nodded and wiped the tears from his face.

“Thank you and not just for getting me out early but for all of it,” the relief evident on his face.

“Are you sure leaving is what you want to do?” Tara asked.

“No, I don’t want to leave. She took the choice away from me. What am I supposed to do, sit here and be loves bitch? Not me. Not any more.”

Tara got up from the bed and went to leave the room. “I will go and see Dr. Finn now.”

“Great, I will start packing my things. The sooner I am out of here, the sooner I can move on.” He opened his bedside drawer and saw the copy of “Great Expectations” that Buffy had given him the week before. It was not so much of a book, as it was a symbol of their relationship. They had met because of there love of it. She had given it to him as a gift. He held it for a long time deciding what to do with it. Both the book and their relationship. He threw the book in the bin. In that instant, he closed his heart to her.

~

She did not cry. She held it together all the way home. Made dinner, even watched the news; it was not until she was in the shower that the tears came. It was as though the water flowing from the shower gave permission for the tears to follow. She sat in the shower with the sobs echoing in the shower. She stayed there until the water turned cold.

What had she done? All the way home, she had convinced herself it was the right thing. What kind of future could they have? She did not study this hard to throw it away to be some rock star’s girlfriend. Nevertheless, Will was not some rock star in her heart and she knew that.

She stood in her room looking around it searching for something to focus on other than the pain in her heart. She lay on the bed staring at the ceiling, her head spinning with questions that she had no answers to.

As much as she would like to place the blame solely on him and the lifestyle he lead. She knew that in her heart, she was scared. She was as scared of loving and being loved, as she had been all those years ago. Except she was not seventeen any more, she was a grown women now. One that wanted to love and to be loved in return. She wanted to love him and be loved by him in return.

In that instant, she knew what she had to do.

~

Buffy broke all speed records to get back to the hospital to see him. She had practiced the speech in the car. She would plead her case, tell him how stupid and scared she had been for all these years, how she loved him, had never loved anyone else and probably never would. She would beg if she had to. She loved Will and wanted to do whatever it took to make the relationship work.

The world seemed to be on slow motion; she wanted to be there faster. Traffic lights took hours to change; the lift up to his room seemed to be on a go-slow as well. As the doors opened, she felt the butterflies fill her stomach as she walked down the corridor to his room.

When she got there, she was not met with the usual sight of Will sitting in his bed. The room was bare, all the cards and photos had been taken away. The bed itself was in the process of being stripped and remade. Buffy stood frozen to the spot trying to take in the meaning of what was before her.

“He left,” the orderly’s voice startled her.

“Oh,” was all she could say. “Was he discharge or did he check himself out?”

“Was discharged, seemed pretty happy about it to.” She kept making the bed. “I know everyone around here will miss him. Breath of fresh air he was.”

“Yeah, I guess. Did he leave a forwarding address?” She had to see him.

“Check at the nurse’s station, they could help you get in contact.”

“Thanks,” as she turned to leave the room something caught her eye. In the trash can she saw it.

“Great Expectations”, the book she had given him, the book that had helped them become friends. He had thrown it away. She picked it up and held it to her chest.

What did she expect? For him to sit and pine for days, he had moved on. It was after all what she had asked him to do. She had asked him to leave her life. And that was what he had done.

She took the book, walked out of the room, straight past the nurse’s station, and went on with her life.

Without Will, just as she had wanted it to be.

A/N: Song is called Ten Days by Missy Higgins

‘The more things change the more they stay the same.’ Buffy thought as she stood in her old room. She had returned to Sunnydale for a visit. After finishing her internship at the hospital, she had taken a few weeks off before she started her new position at NYU Hospital.

Her mom was more than pleased. She had not been home to visit for such a long time. She had made a huge fuss that her eldest daughter was coming home to visit and a doctor no less! As she stood in the room looking at the New Kids on the Block posters and teddy bears on the bed, she felt more like a little girl than the doctor she was.

She moved over to her vanity mirror looking at the photos that were stuck on it. She smiled to herself as the memories flooded back to her. There was one of her and Will one Halloween dressed as Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dumb, that memory caused her to shiver. It was the other reason she had avoided coming home.

Will.

This room, her bedroom where everything had changed and could never go back. It had been eighteen months since their goodbye and she had not seen him in person since.

She had tried to move on and forget that he existed. Just like before. Throwing herself into her work and shutting herself off to the pain in her heart.

In typical Will style, he had not made it easy. The band hit it big. Really big, on every cover of a magazine big. She had seen him everywhere. He was hard to miss.

After the tour had finished, the band released their biggest album to date.

She could still recall the first time she heard the single. Driving home from work, his voice came across the radio.

So we've put an end to it this time.
I'm no longer yours and you're no longer mine.
You said this hill looks far too steep
if I'm not even sure it's me you wanna keep.
And it's been ten days without you in my reach,
and the only time I've touched you is in my sleep.

But time has changed nothing at all -
you're still the only one that feels like home.
I've tried cutting the ropes and
I let you go but you're still the only one
that feels like home.

You won't talk me into it next time,
if I'm going away your heart’s coming too.
'Cos I miss your hands I miss your face.
When I get back let's disappear without a trace.

'Cos it's been ten days without you in my reach,
and the only time I've touched you is in my sleep.

But time has changed nothing at all -
you're still the only one that feels like home.
I've tried cutting the ropes,
tried letting go but you're still the only one
that feels like home.

So tell me, did you really think...
oh tell me, did you really think
I had gone when you couldn't see me any more?
When you couldn't...

'Cos baby time has changed nothing at all -
you're still the only one that feels like home.
And I've tried cutting the ropes,
I let you go but you're still the only one
that feels like home, yeah,
you're still the only one that feels like home,
you're still the only one I've gotta love.

Her grip on the steering wheel tightened as the sobs escaped from her. Her vision blurred and she pulled over onto the side of the road, her mind was spinning.

Was that how he felt? If that was the case, then why did he leave? Why couldn’t he tell her instead of telling the whole world?

Things got much harder. The album was called “Late Night Crossword Puzzle”, it did not take Buffy long to figure out its interpretation. The single called “Ten Days” went to number one and stayed there for too many weeks to count.

The second single “Beautiful”, which he had sung to her in the hospital so long ago, went just as well. It was if he was punishing her with his music. However, she knew that was not the truth.

Then there were the awards, the Grammy’s, the MVA’s, the Billboard and American Music Awards. It seemed as though all Will had to do was turn around and someone was handing him an award. It looked as though he had everything he could ever want. However, she could tell something was missing.

One night after she got home after a late shift, she saw him being interviewed on Jay Leno. She saw him sitting on the couch looking very nervous and very handsome. The hair had gone back to its ‘natural’ platinum blonde.

He looked good. Good, but not happy.

“So Spike, tell us, the single ‘Beautiful’, is it inspired by any one in particular?”

Spike shifted nervously in his seat. Buffy would have sworn that if he were wearing his glasses that he would have pushed them up his nose.

“Yes it is Jay.” He answered.

“Wow, she must feel lucky having a song written about her.” Jay inquired.

“Wouldn’t know mate, never asked her.” His tone turned cold.

She stood up turned the TV off at that point, not wanting to hear all the details of their relationship turned into a comedy fodder.

Did she feel lucky? Not really. Heartbroken yes. Stupid for letting her fears cheat her out of a relationship that could have been so many great things.

She shook the negative thoughts from her head. They would lead to nowhere, nowhere productive anyway.

She grabbed her bag and started unpacking her bag, as she unzipped it. She pulled her copy of Great Expectations from it. Well, not so much hers, but Will’s. She could not bring herself to part with it even though he had had no such problems. She had not had a chance to read it. She had brought it on vacation in a vein attempt to get some reading done. She placed it on her bed and continued to unpack her bag.

She heard the door open. Not bothering to look up, she continued to empty her bag as she spoke.

“I’ll be down in a second mom just want to pack away my things.”

The voice she heard in response was not the one she was expecting and sent shivers down her spine.

“Hello love.”

*~*~*

Chapter 24: This Room

Spike leant against the doorframe of Buffy’s bedroom. He looked around; it had not changed much since he had last been here. He wished he could say the same about himself.

She turned at the sound of his voice, her eyes widening in shock. She still looked as beautiful as she did the last time he had seen her in the hospital. Eighteen long months had passed. The tour had started and finished, the new album released and had gone multi platinum, not to mention the slew of awards. Yeah, life should be great.

“Hello Spike,” Buffy’s tone was cold.

From the outside looking in, he had it all and to a certain extent, he did. Nonetheless, he did not have her. All that he ever wanted was in this room. The room he found his love, lost his virginity, laughed, cried and loved. All he ever needed could be found in this room, "New Kids on the Block" posters and all.

He stood in the doorframe waiting for permission to enter, not wanting to overstep his mark. This made him smile. He had in so many other ways overstepped it.

The album had never meant to be about her. The songs he wrote in hospital and after he had left, was never meant for public consumption. He had written them as a way of moving through the happiness and the pain. He started playing one of the songs at the sound check on tour.

“That’s new,” Angel said as he listen to him sing the song. “It’s good; we should add it to the set tonight.”

He raised his eyebrow in response. “I don’t think so mate, this one is for personal use only,” he took his guitar off and sat it down on the amp.

“It might help.” Angel offered.

“With what?” He asked.

“Moving on.”

The words hit him like a steam train. Moving on. It was what he had to do. The album had been a way for him to work through their relationship; it was his form of therapy. He wanted to contact Buffy when it was released; give her a heads up on what was coming. However, he could not find the words. Maybe she would not know about it. The twenty weeks at the top of the album chart took care of that question, as did the swag of awards he had won.

Journalists always asked him, ‘Was the album written about anyone in particular?’ He never lied. If he owed anything to their relationship, it was the truth. He never mentioned her by name and he only spoke of her with the upmost respect and kindness.

“Come to give me my royalties check?” Buffy asked as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“So, I guess that answers the question, have you heard the new album?”

“I’m an intern in a hospital Spike, not a hermit in a cave. Yes, I heard the album.”

He looked down at his feet hoping they would help him find the words to explain his actions.

“It’s a great piece of work. You deserve everything that is happening to you.”

He looked up shocked. That was not what he was expecting.

“Are you going to stand there all day or do you need an invitation?” She asked. She turned and continued to unpack her bag.

“Didn’t know if you wanted me here,” he shifted his weight against the frame.

She looked up from her bag. “I get that. Last time we saw each other, I wasn’t exactly welcoming.”

He walked towards her. “I seem to recall there some welcoming taking place,” he smirked, as he looked her up and down. She still looked as good as ever, still stirred the same feelings within him.

“Is that what they call it these days?” She laughed, “So Spike ‘rock star’ Giles, what have you been up to?” She moved her things off the bed and sat down motioning for him to do the same.

“Don’t,” he winced as he sat down.

“Don’t what?”

“Call me Spike. I am not Spike, not here of all places.”

“Ok Will, what are you doing here?”

He looked down as he picked at her bedspread. “I saw your mom at the grocery store last week. She mentioned that you were coming home for a vacation. I thought we could catch up. It’s been a while,” he looked up and caught her gaze.

“A lifetime it seems,” she responded. “I’m a doctor now, own stethoscope and everything.”

“Your mom did mention that several times.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Yeah, to say she is proud of me is an understatement.”

“She is not the only one. I am proud of you too, for what it is worth.”

She reached over and placed her hand over his. “It is worth a lot to me Will. Through everything your opinion of me has always mattered.”

“I didn’t want to write about you.”

The hurt flashed across Buffy’s face.

“What I mean is, I wrote about you, us for me. It was a way for me to sort out the jumbled mess in my head. Writing it down made things clearer somehow.”

“I get that,” she nodded her head.

“The guys heard me playing one of the songs in sound check, they liked it, wanted me to add it to the play list. I didn’t want to hurt you any more, but they pressured me. Buffy, I am sorry.”

“Don’t be. Sure, I didn’t like hearing our relationship play out in song. Nevertheless, the songs are beautiful Will. You should be pleased with all your hard work. You deserve all the accolades and more.” She meant what she said.

“I tried to be happy with it all, the number one hits, the awards, but it was all tinged with sadness. To have such success through all that pain, it didn’t seem right.” She was the first person he had voiced these fears to. He knew no one else would understand it.

“You are one of the lucky ones Will. Some people go through the pain and heartache and have nothing to show for it. At least you have some good come from all the bad.”

He smiled at her words. Same old Buffy, even in the bad she saw the good.

“I missed you,” Buffy whispered.

He was shocked at her words. He was not expecting that.

“Me too,” they sat on her bed staring at each other, taking in the presence of the other. Their bodies inched towards each other slowly as if they were moving against their will.

They broke from their trance, as their mouths were inches within each other. Will stood up from the bed.

“I’m sorry,” they said in unison.

“I guess I had better get going then.” He started to move towards the door.

“Do you love me Will?” Buffy asked.

His hand stopped turning the doorknob. Not looking back at her, he said, “I never stopped.” He looked over his shoulder at her. “Buffy, you were the first women I ever loved. The only women I have ever wanted to love.”

Buffy’s heart filled with love at the words.

“It’s not enough for us remember.” He opened the door to leave.

“What if it is? What if I was wrong?”

He turned and made his way over to her.

“Don’t play with me Buffy. I may act all tough, but when it comes to you and my heart, I am as fragile as glass.” His eyes searched hers trying to see if she was playing him for a fool.

“I’m not playing you Will.” Tears welled in her eyes.

“You left me Buffy; told me our love wasn’t enough. Walked out didn’t even look back,” the hurt came crashing back in waves. “I can’t do it again.”

He turned to leave, as he did, something caught his eye. On the bed was his copy of ”Great Expectations”. The copy he had thrown out in the hospital. ‘What was it doing here?’

“Where did you get that?”

“Umm, I bought it,” Buffy searched her mind for a workable excuse.

“You came back,” the realisation hit him like a harpoon through the heart.

“You had gone,” her tone cold.

“There was no reason to stay. What about now Buffy? Is there a reason to stay now?”

*~*~*

Chapter 25: McDonald's Happy Meal

Will moved towards her, “Well, is there?” He kept moving closer. He searched her face trying to find any clues as to what was going on in her mind.

“I want there to be.” Buffy answered, “But nothing has changed.”

“I know.” He reached out and cupped her cheek in his hands. She leaned in, closing her eyes while welcoming his touch. “That should tell you everything.”

“What do you mean?” She opened her eyes.

“I love you as much as I did that last night I saw you in the hospital. I tried to move on, find someone else.”

“Did you?” Buffy felt panic rise within her. Had he found someone else? Was it any of her business if he had? She was the one who had created this mess. She asked him to leave. Her fears had cheated her from being a part of his life. “Did you find someone else?”

“No!” The pain and loneliness was visible in his stare. He stepped back from her and started pacing the room.

“I would go out, talk to people, women. I would talk to them because I couldn’t talk to you. As lonely as I was, I knew I would only feel more if I found someone else. Every time I looked at them, it would remind me that I was not with you.” His tears remained unshed.

Buffy had no words; her head was swimming, trying to compute all of her feelings, as well as the ones that Will had just revealed. She rubbed her temples.

“I don’t know what to say.” She figured the truth was a good place to start.

He stopped pacing and stared out the window. “Why did you come back to the hospital room?”

She sat down on her bed and sighed.

“I made a mistake,” she whispered. She kept looking at the carpet trying to count how many squares there were on the print. She knew one look at him and she would not be able to get out of this.

“Pardon?” He asked.

“I made a mistake. That night when I got home, I realised I had made the biggest mistake in my life. But when I got there, it was too late, you had already left.” ‘23, 24, 25 squares who knew?’

“Why didn’t you track me down?” He moved over and knelt down beside her.

She picked up the book. “It was in the trash, I just figured you didn’t want to see me ever again. Not that I could blame you. It was what I thought I wanted.”

“What do you want Buffy?” His stare was unnerving. She tried to look away but was unable to.

“What I want? I don’t think I know any more. When you left the first time, all I wanted was to forget about you. Focus on my degree to become a doctor and that would be enough.” Her frustration and confusion clear in her voice.

“Is it enough Buffy?”

“I used to think so. I was travelling along fine believing that what I had in my life was great and to a certain extent it was. However, it felt like something was missing.”

“I know what you mean. Sometimes I look at my life and think what I am missing. I have done that for most of my life.” He took her hand in his.

“The only time I didn’t feel it was when I was in that hospital. Battered and broken with my career potentially on the skids and it was the happiest I have been in years.”

“Really? Why was that?”

Will chuckled at her question, “For someone with a Doctorate in Medicine you are pretty stupid. You, us, we fit together. When we are not apart of each other’s lives, we are not complete. I need you in my life Buffy.”

“What does that mean, ‘In your life’,” she asked, afraid of the answer.

“What do you want it to mean?” He asked serving the ball back into her court.

“We can’t talk in riddles here Will. I am scared.” She pulled her hand away and wrapped them around herself.

“What is there to be scared of love?”

“I am scared of needing you. For so long, I had to do it all by myself, be strong because I didn’t have the choice. Now I have the choice and I am scared of being weak. Needing someone in my life, admitting I can’t do it on my own.”

“Sometime the strongest thing we can do is ask for help. You can do all these things on your own, no question about that. You have proved it to yourself and everyone around you ten times over. The question now is why would you want to be alone, if you don’t have to?”

“I don’t have to?”

“No, you don’t, Buffy. I love you, never stopped. I went to the end of the world and back and all the space in between and you know the one thing that never changed?”

“The McDonald’s Happy Meal?” She joked.

He laughed. “Well, that and I love you. I want you and most of all I need you.”

She looked down at him kneeling on the floor and then she took in her surroundings, her room, and their sanctuary for so many years growing up. They had taken very separate and very different journeys, but had ended up in the same place. Together.

“I need you too Will,” she leant down and took his face into her hands and kissed him.

Will pulled her down onto the floor with him. Never breaking their embrace, he rolled on top of her. Kissing her senseless. She closed her eyes and took in all the sensations that were coursing through her. He was right. There was something missing when they were apart, all the pieces of her heart were fitting back into place as they kissed.

His mouth made its way down her neck as his hands started undoing her shirt. He pulled up and took her in.

“You are the most beautiful women I have ever seen.”

She blushed at the complement. She closed her eyes and waited for the kissing to recommence.

“Buffy, get up off the floor love,” when she opened her eyes, she saw Will standing over her offering his hand. Buffy felt the sting of rejection though her body.

“I can do it myself,” she pulled herself up to her feet. “I knew I couldn’t trust you j--” she was cut off by his lips on hers.

“Not telling you ‘no’ love.” He pulled back and looked her in the eyes. “When I make love to you, I want it to be right. Not some quick fumble on your bedroom floor.”

“Oh, so you still want me, just not on the floor.” The penny dropped.

“I am sure that sometime in the not so distant future I will want you on the floor, but here and now I want to make love to you in a bed.” He took her hand and led her over to her bed.

The bed they had sat and shared secrets, the same bed they had learnt about themselves, the bed where they first became lovers and not only to each other. It seemed the most natural place in the world to begin their relationship.

*~*~*

Chapter 26: Last Life

A/N:Well this is it the final chapter. Thanks for sticking with it. Hope you enjoyed the journey. Song in italics is Last Life by the Whitlams

Can't say anything's gonna be alright
I lie here and look at you on my side
Wait for night to let the earth turn
And not take anymore Not take anymore

When Buffy and Will had first made their way over to the bed, there was a sense of urgency between them. Their kisses were all consuming, physically conveying the emotions that were going on between them. Then things had slowed down. The urgency was replaced with to the need to savour the moment. As they undressed, kisses lingered and while they savoured each other.

Will looked down at Buffy lying on her bed. She looks as beautiful as he had ever seen her. Her body flushed with desire, her eyes filled with love. Love, he now knew was for him and him only. He ran his hand down her cheek; she turned her head and kissed his palm.

“Buffy,” he whispered not wanting to break the moment. “I love you. Ever since our first night together. You took my heart that night.”

“I love you, Will. You took my heart too. That night in this room.” She took her hand and placed it on her breast. “Love me Will.”

“I will Buffy, always.”

She giggled, “That’s good to know. However, what I meant was make love to me.” A blush crept over her face as she asked.

“I knew what you meant Buffy,” he smirked as he leant down and complied with his lady’s request.

I must have been alright in the last life
To be lying here with you
Someone in the last life
To get this second chance with you

Buffy sat on the end of her bed watching Will sleep. They had worn each other out in the best way possible. Will had drifted off to sleep with out a problem. She was having more trouble, not even the warm milk she had gotten out of bed to make and was currently drinking, seemed to be helping.

The moonlight filled the room and seemed to cast a spotlight over Will as he lay sleeping. Buffy shook her head as she thought about the journey the two of them had taken to get to this point. If only they had spoken their minds all those years before. Would they still be here? How can you know at seventeen that the first guy you sleep with will also be the man you love for the rest of your life?

They still had details to sort out. Her job, his career, still needed to be discussed. However, that is all they were now to her. Details. The things that been obstacles eighteen months ago were mere details now.

What had changed? She had. The fear that had kept her from following her heart was gone. She was tired of running from her feelings. There was only so long she could go on pretending that she did not need someone in her life. To a certain extent that was still true, she did not need someone to love her. She now wanted someone to love her.

That someone was sleeping like a baby in her bed. Without a shadow of a doubt, she loved Will Giles. The fact that the sheet that was covering his torso had slipped down, revealing his muscular body had nothing to do with it.

She finished her milk and slipped into bed beside him. Snuggling down into his arms, she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Can't say anyone's gonna be alright
We'll lie here and look at each other on our sides
Wait for night to let the earth turn
And not take anymore
Not take anymore

Will did not know how long he had been watching Buffy sleep. Time had no meaning for them in this room. They had made love too many times to count, but still not too many times to satisfy themselves. His mind drifted back to the last time they had been in this situation so many years ago. In all the time that had passed, so many things had changed. Not just to him, but to Buffy as well. The one thing that had remained a constant, unchanged, if any thing had grown stronger, was his love for her.

They had not spoken about the future; he was readying himself for the morning after jitters to kick in. He would not have a repeat of last time. He would not let her go. They had come too far to turn their backs now.

I must have been alright in the last life
To be lying here with you
Someone in the last life
To get this second chance with you

Buffy felt as though someone was watching her. She opened her eyes to discover she was right.

“Hello cutie.” She knew she was not getting out of this bed anytime soon. Just his smile caused butterflies in her stomach.

“Hey you. What ya doing?” she asked as she sat up and stretched, not feeling the sheet drop to her waist.

Will reached forward and tackled her back down onto the bed. Buffy squealed as she tried to squirm from his grasp.

“Ravishing you,” he nipped at her neck.

“Will don’t, my mom…” She tried to push him away and while her mind was willing her body to be weak.

“Took care of it,” he made his way down to her breasts.

Buffy lifted his head up.

“What do you mean you took care of it?” she asked worriedly.

“We kind of ran into each other in the bathroom.” Will blushed at the memory.

“Please tell me you were wearing something.”

“Your mom told me to tell you that you are one lucky girl,” he smirked.

“You are evil,” Buffy laughed.

“What can I say? I am the big bad, baby.”

Can't say anyone's getting out of here alive
We'll lie here and look at each other on our sides
Wait for night to let the earth turn
And wait for the signs on life to return

“Will?”

“Yes Buffy?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

They lay on Buffy’s bed after another round of lovemaking. Both had been resting taking in the silence between them.

“What happens next?” she turned on her side to face him.

“Well, I think we need to have a shower, then maybe some lunch.” Buffy punched his shoulder.

“Don’t be silly. I meant what happens next with us?” She bit her lip as the old fears and concerns crept into her mind.

“Well, tomorrow I will pack my things and move to New York. The band is taking a year’s break and even then, when we start recording again we can do it there. I am not leaving you again.” He took her face in his hand and kissed her. “You only make that kind of mistake once in your life.”

“Tomorrow, that’s a bit fast. We don’t want to rush things.” Buffy saw the hurt wash across his face.

“Buffy Summers, I won’t let your fears run our lives again if you think--” Buffy cut him off with a searing kiss. When they were both breathless, she broke the kiss.

“What I meant was stay here with me. I won’t be in New York until next week.” She laughed. “I could not last that long without you.”

“Neither could I. I love you so much Buffy. Not letting you go.” As if to emphasis his point he took her in his arms.

“I love you too. I am not going anywhere.” In her heart, she meant it.

I must have been alright in the last life
To be lying here with you
Someone in the last life
To get this second chance with you

THE END

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